"Obstacles cannot crush me. Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind." --Leonardo Da Vinci

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Questions for the Universe
2004-06-09 @ 04:49

I'm am so sick of the summer! Honestly, I am pissed at whoever decided that we needed this gigantic break after working our asses off for a year! I mean, in grade-school it made sense b/c we were so worn out but I happen to enjoy college! Not to mention I thoroughly miss everyone once they all dissapear for 2 whole months. This campus is DEAD. There is hardly a soul to talk to and if I didn't have a roommate I think I would committ suicide just for a lack of anything better to do. And to top it all off. After a month of sitting on my ass doing absolutely NOTHING, praying for my first summer class to begin, my first class was cancelled! AND! I wasn't hired at the on-campus job I applied for. I desperately needed it, too. I don't know what I'm going to tell my g-parents. "Oh, I'm sorry... they didn't want me after all. I guess I'll just have to keep asking you all for money." I'm sure that will go over well. Not to mention that once this fall semester begins, I don't have a clue how I'm going to hold down a job, even if I get one, attend and succeed in all my classes, stay visible in the department AND involve myself in any play should I get cast. (Which of course I'm going to have to do anyway because I'm signed up for a production credit hour this fall.) So basically, I'm S-C-R-E-W-E-D. I really think that suicide idea is starting to look kind of welcoming. Atleast in the afterlife, should it be heaven or oblivion, no one is pressed for time. I love life, I relish a challenge, but I don't think this was what I had in mind. I hate rocks and hard places, and I despise catch-22's. So tell me, what the hell do I do from here?? Not only can I not afford my groceries and my own shampoo, but how am I also supposed to keep myself clothed and have a little fun. I really hate this predicament I'm in. I feel like a beggar. I suppose that most college students are broke and most go through this exact same predicament but I'd rather not fit the role of typical broke dream-chaser. I think that someone in charge somewhere is performing some nasty psychological or sociological experiment on me. Well, note to that person, I'M NOT AMUSED!!! Do you think they heard me? While I doubt it, I guess I'll just keep swallowing my pride and appealing to the grandparents for assistance, as ego-destroying as it is. Someday I'll be able to redeem them for all the mercy they've shown me. Someday.

On a better note. Okay, it's just as sour... I have pretty much decided that there is no man out there for me. Elaboration is futile. It won't help the problem and it will only confuse any reader of this entry. It's not that I want one of those strange creatures really. But I would like to think that someday I might be able to create another cursed mortal being in cooperation with one of them, considering that it would be somewhat difficult to achieve on my own. I'd prefer to go it alone, in all honesty, but it doesn't look like genetic science is going to make that dream a reality anytime soon so I am resigned to interviewing potential candidates who don't seem as though they'd damage my creation too dramatically. I'm being pretty morbid, but I just really haven't seen a single guy anywhere in the world thus far that I could submit to. If I can kick a guy's ass then he's just not good enough for me. Terrible qualifying trait I know, but so far I'm king *ahem* queen of the hill so I'll keep it as long as it keeps the losers at bay. I'm not all that. I'm a great person with a fabulous personality, sense of humor and my looks and body aren't the worst, but I want it ALL when it comes to a guy. Alright, alright, I'll aleast settle for a homo sapien sized brain, but all I've come across thus far is about the brain capacity of archaic homo sapiens at best and homo erectus on average. They're driven by their instinctual needs and nothing more. Going to class and just being out in the open with them is like a badly illustrated while incredibly vivid copy of 'Where the Wild Things Are'. They take you out of your life for a short time and either put you in charge or scare the pants off of you, then attempt to have their way with you, but eventually they have to return you to real life and leave you with nothing to show for your troubles. I keep searching for my elephant gun. Atleast that way I'd have a pelt to show for it, right? If you can't exist in a society without constantly feeling nauseous then you know for sure there's a problem. God, where did all the intelligence go? Was it sacrificed to allow for the enormous... libido's that most women are requesting instead of common sense? Well ladies, let me be the first to inform you how highly overdone and overrated THAT is. Come on! Give me a grown-up conversation! Give me politics, give me art, give me anything that is sexually innate! Is there nothing left out there for the real people?